TIPS, ADVICE and HINTS on how to get the best regarding your search for romance with CMQI Agency from an expat living in Ukraine.

One of the first things to understand is that since my first introduction to Eastern Europe in the mid 1990’s a lot has changed. Not only in living conditions but also in work, mentality, desires, health and hopes.

From URSS to 2021

Some of you may have read how my love affair started and still continues with Eastern Europe and Ukraine in particular. During my time here, I have started to understand, although I do not think it ever possible for any foreigner to fully understand, the complicated persona of the Ukrainian woman. The following are some of my experiences which hopefully will give you a little insight into how it works.

One of the first things to understand is that since my first introduction to Eastern Europe in the mid 1990’s a lot has changed. Not only in living conditions but also in work, mentality, desires, health and hopes.

In the 1990’s many woman just wanted to escape the country, their lives, their men and the hopelessness that they felt that to any country, other than Eastern Europe, Now in the early 2020’s it is a changed picture for many reasons, but amazingly and fortunately enough not all of the 1990’s and before attitudes has disappeared from the woman, which attracted me in those days. To try and give you a sample of just what I mean we need to go back to my early days and you the reader must understand that this mentality went on way, way before I arrived one snowy January evening in Riga.

From the war years there had always been, what I could bluntly say was a shortage of men. Despite the USSR stating to the outside world that it was the best and brain washing most of the population, internally this was not so true. Many of the countries that were annexed to Russia after the war still remained fiercely patriotic to their former freedom. In a lot of ways it was a hard life for both men and woman and it would seem the woman handled it better than the men. Many men became alcoholic and depressed. The woman shouldered the responsibility and raised the children using a complicated generational child minding service which allowed them to find what work was available and bring home some money. Money was tight and so they became experts at thrift and saving. Divorce and violent marriages were also very common, especially in the working classes.

Now fortunately enough we have moved on 30 years since the break-up of the former USSR and things have changed. Most people, especially in the younger levels are more positive about the future. They have independence and money, not as high as the West but not bad if you accept the cost of living is very low in Ukraine. They can travel freely. Desperation or the desire to leave their country is still here for some. The hope to attract a foreign boyfriend/husband is still here for some. Alcohol is still relevant in many regions, although not as bad as before.

Differences between Village and big Cities

Also, as you search for your bride/companion/ girlfriend you need to take in the many regional and different characteristics, certainly between the large cities and villages. The city girl is generally a lot more street wise than her village counterpart; she is more likely to have a job and have a more modern thinking regarding relationships and marriage. But the one thing that is the same across the board is her mind.

They have a mind that can be split into three sections:

  • Section 1 : is the normal reasoning brain that is used for all day to day purposes.
  • Section 2 : This is the calculating segment that can carry out complicated financial subtractions and additions far quicker than any of the most powerful computers and in a fraction of their time.
  • Section 3 : is the elephant part that never forgets and can remember to the minute, hour, day, month, year when you forgot something especially, if it is related to her.

Mentality of Ukrainian women

Ukrainian women, and I think this can be said of many but NOT ALL Eastern European women are:

  • If they find the right person will be fiercely loyal and loving.
  • They will fight like a lioness to protect you and their children.
  • If the trust is there they are normally very relaxed and very laid back regarding the freedom they will allow you as a husband/boyfriend or lover.

To try and give you some examples, my wife never sets deadlines on what time I need to be home if out for and evening with my friends. She relies on my own understanding of when is the right time to come home. (Hard to remember a western woman this liberal) She has no problem, if you wish to visit nightclubs or strip bars. The only problem is if she is also out with her friends, and they just happen to arrive at your same destination, and she can see that maybe you are a little too close to a female. Then it is possible for world war 3 to erupt. Not for you but the female you were chatting to. (Hard to remember a western woman this liberal or protective) She will very rarely, unless it is becoming a serious habit, castigate you with regard to the amount of alcohol you can consume. (Hard to remember a western woman this liberal)

If you are a smoker, as I was once, then she will never try and stop you. She may suggest you cut down but nothing more. (Hard to remember a western woman this liberal)

  • They are organisers.
  • They are in the main excellent cooks
  • They are generally well skilled on all illness and will prescribe medicines, look on the internet for cures or doctor. They will mother you.
  • On birthdays, anniversaries, Xmas or other celebrations they do not expect lavish overpriced presents. Simple is best.
  • Also they have many more celebrations here. As it is a mixture of Catholic and Orthodox then now many are adopting both Xmas festivities and so you get Catholic Xmas, Boxing day, New Year’s Eve, Orthodox Xmas, special dinner Jan 6th, Xmas day Jan 7th. Old New Year. I could go on as they have many.
  • They still enjoy the extended family connection and you will need to get used to Mother-in-Law having a big influence on her and any of your children.
  • Depends on the age of your wife. If an older woman then Mother-in-law will probably have little or no knowledge of English and so be prepared to find yourself feeling a little bit isolated as they will have many long conversations
  • ALWAYS but ALWAYS spoil her on March 8th (International Women’s day)

Specifics of a relationship with Easter European Women

A little, but not all, I have listed below just some things you may consider as a small down side, when you enter into a relationship with a woman in Eastern Europe.

  • If you are married and Mother-in-Law arrives, it is a sort of open invitation for her to stay for as long as she wishes. She will leave when she feels the time is right. Sometimes it really helps if there is still a Father-in-Law around.
  • She will always give advice to her daughter on the rights and wrongs of how the daughter should be treating you the husband
  • Not necessarily an Eastern European trait but try and befriend her with a little gift or money especially if you know that she is living off just her state pension.
  • The Ukrainian woman’s clock has more minutes than the western clock. It is far longer. So a) you will be expected to arrive at the western world time of let’s say 20.00 at a restaurant (and this is where you have to be careful) if you are one minute late you will be in serious trouble, should she actually have arrived on time. Or you will sit there and Ukrainian 20.00 may actually be 20.30, maybe 21.00. I actually waited until 22.15 (OK I ate food and drank wine) and she arrived as if it was perfectly normal. No excuse. No apology.

The points below are the points that you really need to consider when opening a relationship with a woman. My advice would be to think clearly and logically as I have met too many people here in Ukraine who has suffered. It is NOT the fault of the agencies as it is practically impossible for them to screen for this. So you find your woman and you open conversation and these sorts of responses start to arrive:

  • She responds and within two messages she tells you she has deep feelings and or is falling in love (let the alarm bells start to ring).
  • She will start to tell you how hard life is. (At this time not really your problem).
  • She will tell you her mother/child/grandparents/dog/cat or fish are ill and she does not have the money to pay for their medicines. (At this time not really your problem)
  • If you decide to take the next step to meet and fly to Ukraine, then beware the message that she would love to meet you in Kyiv but she lives in the backwoods and if you send her $100 to $1,000 she would be able to buy her ticket and meet you. (travel is incredibly cheap in Ukraine)
  • Do your own checking and booking for apartment/hotel for your initial arrival. It cost me a lot of money after a “girlfriend booked my apartment and I found afterwards she doubled the price and took half.”
  • If you were to decide to fly her to your country. a) get her to prove she has the correct visa for entry b) You buy her ticket after she sends you passport proof of her identity c) DO NOT send money d) they are very resilient and if they need money and as long as you agree to repay it, they will borrow it from somewhere.
  • If you actually arrive OK and you meet up then you can expect the following so be careful. You will be expected to pay for ALL things. That is normal but sometimes irritating. So, again, be careful and if you find she is steering you towards expensive shops and designer wear. Let the alarm bells ring. The normal Eastern European woman is not like that. If you want to spend this money on her then the lead must come from you. NOT HER.
  • You must decide for yourself but be extremely careful if she tells you her english is bad and she is in an Internet café using google translate and it is costing a fortune. Just ask why would a woman who has no English really want to move to another country where she would be a total stranger
  • Listen but do not always accept if she tells you her English is so bad she will need an interpreter and can she bring her friend? YOU could pay heavily. Organise your own or accept the Agencies offer to arrange

Try not to let the above careful points dishearten you. These women are the minority but do exist. There are however many genuine women of all ages who would like to open a relationship with a foreign man. Speaking from experience, find that one and you will be a lucky man.

To read more articles from Trevor about Ukraine