7 tips for finding love that you should definitely not listen to


They confuse us, create illusions and make us unhappy.

1. You need to find a partner before a certain date.

Like before you turn 30. Or by graduation. Or before all your friends and classmates have had time to get married. Otherwise, it's the tragedy of eternal loneliness and "what will people think." This is especially true for women, who have just after adulthood, supposedly the clock starts ticking. Although men also receive - how come, already almost 30 years, and still single, you need a good wife, and soon.

But relationships are not an area to rush. Man behaves himself, sets the conditions, in case of violation of which he is very worried, he considers himself bad and defective. And therefore, there is a risk of taking the first more or less suitable partner, just to meet certain deadlines. And this approach can lead to disappointments, toxic relationships or painful breakups.

2. You will immediately recognize "your" person.

Once you see it, you know it's the one, the long awaited and the only one. Your stomach starts to churn, your heart starts to race and a common theme of conversation instantly emerges. And then there will be no arguments - only romance, and just like in the notes. Because this is the only way to meet your soul mate.

And if the love was not love at first sight or if the relationship does not develop like in a romantic movie, then the person is not really for you.

This is the danger of the myth of soul mates: we run the risk of missing out on the interesting man, simply because our heart didn't skip a beat when we first met him. Or, conversely, to decide that since the relationship with the so-called soul mate did not work out, then there is nothing else to do.

3. With the ideal partner, you should coincide in everything.

That is, you should have the same tastes, interests, identical views on life and opinions on all important issues. And it is also desirable that the age, level of education, financial situation coincide.

Otherwise, what kind of couple where one jumps with a parachute, and the other stays at home, eating cookies and knitting scarves? Or one earns a lot and the other less. Expect conflicts, arguments and eventually breakups.

In fact, different views on life can, of course, lead to quarrels and even a break-up. However, total coincidence of life positions and hobbies does not guarantee a successful relationship either. After all, if you focus only on that, you may miss the interesting person.
What if you and the person you love have a different outlook on life?

4. You and your partner must be different

Because opposites attract and in an ideal relationship, people complement each other in everything. One leader, the other slave, one weak, but the second strong and so on. It is necessary to look for a person with the qualities that you lack. Only in this way the couple will be really strong and stable.

There may be some truth in this theory. But living people are not computer parts that can be successfully selected according to certain characteristics.

5. Don't show your interest right away. 

Even if you really like a person, you shouldn't talk about it. And don't show it either. You should act a little distant - like you're slightly interested in this person, but not very interested. Usually you have a lot of other things to do and are always a little unavailable. Most often, this advice is given to women and even young girls - a classic combination of glossy magazines and little princess encyclopedias.
Don't call first, don't take the initiative, don't admit your feelings under any circumstances, be late for appointments, take a break when answering messages.

Some men also follow these tactics. Sometimes this is done consciously - to manipulate the partner, to bind him to it. This is what pickup artists do, for example. And sometimes it's just an attitude learned in childhood.

The problem is that a real and sincere relationship should not consist of manipulations, games and conventions. Therefore, if you like the person, it is absolutely normal to show it.

How do you understand that a person has you on an emotional leash and walk away from it?

6. Love is not the main thing at all.

The main thing is that the person is good, and the feelings will come with time. You have to choose with your mind, not with your heart, because emotions fade away anyway. In general, even if you don't like something about a partner at first, you can get used to it: as they say, let love pass you by. It is indeed a calculating relationship, but not always monetary.

Choose the person based on certain parameters and their ability to perform certain functions, such as the equipment of the store.

And whether or not you have feelings for him or her is a secondary issue. Yes, such a model of relationship could well suit someone: according to the survey Married for love, but with a marriage contract! VTsIOM, about 24% of respondents conclude marriages according to the calculation. And others, on the contrary, will make them deeply unhappy.

7. You need to show yourself only on the right side.

At the beginning of the relationship, and especially not until it has begun, never let your partner discover that you are a human being with its own flaws. You must carefully conceal all flaws - both external and internal. Put on tight underwear and laugh at unfunny jokes. Lie that you never lose your temper, do not stay all weekend on the couch, playing consoles, do not swear, do not eat junk food.

Or even inventing non-existent talents and achievements. After all, if you show your true nature - resentful, lazy, with bad habits - it can scare a partner away.

The problem is that it is essentially a deception. Sooner or later, it will come out, and your partner won't thank you for it. Perhaps at the first meeting and do not need to throw the interlocutor a full list of their shortcomings, but deliberately withholding something or lying too bad idea.