German radio journalist Martina Wiedemann was born in Germany, but has lived and worked in Russia for many years. On the radio "Komsomolskaya Pravda" she will not present a program on politics or economy, as one might think, but on human relations. Between a man and a woman. You can hear how people declare their love, get married, raise children and get divorced.

- Good evening, my name is Martine Wiedemann and I am with you for the last hour of the day and now on Thursdays at this time. This is a light show on the staff. We take a look, as they say, at our own belly button. As we say in our country, it means as the Germans say - I am originally from Germany, but I have been living and working in Russia for many years now. Why radio? Radio is an interesting medium that has a long history. You don't need make-up, you can sit down with a cup of coffee and talk to the listeners and they feel the atmosphere of a moderator from their voice - just like you can feel a smile on the phone and radio listeners are special people. I worked briefly for different stations in Russia at different times. For example, I was invited to Ekho Moskvy and Mayak, and in the German version of Golos Rossii I had a live Friday morning show, "Mornings without a Care", for almost two years. But, unfortunately, the broadcast was stopped. We all regret it very much. And today I am back on the radio again. I was among the sharks in the pen, and I worked as an executive producer and stringer for German film crews, and we shot a lot of very interesting reports about Russia. So I traveled all over the country. I visited Tunguska, I stood on the International tube in 45 degrees cold, I visited twice the center of Vladimirsky, I saw the gold deposits of Russia, I was inside Krastsvetmet in Krasnoyarsk and many other interesting places. If today everything is not as it should be, I ask you to understand. You know the saying about the first pancake... And first of all, listen to a song - "Sunny Island".

Okay, okay, now we're going back to the studio. I have been connected with Russia for many years. I have been here at different times - during stagnation, during perestroika, during the collapse of the country and during the formation of the Russian Federation. Here, as at home, I have always been interested in relations between people. Therefore, there was another branch of my activity. I work as a coach and family coach. I pay special attention to couples who are behind the threshold of youth - when the children are already grown up or have left home. What is left of their feelings or what they have become. In the vast majority of relationships, women are the epicenter and often even play an insidious role. Men take a more passive approach to relationships. This is not surprising. Because there are many more women than men in Russia - about 10 million. Men have nothing to do - they just are. 

If you want to participate in our show and you have interesting episodes with mixed couples, problems or questions about it, you can call me or write me. Yes, I said that there are many more women than men in Russia, so they are the epicenter of developing contacts. What attracts the attention of foreign men when they come or fly to Russia? And we have a call from Tatiana.

Tatiana:

- I want to read a poem in German as part of the school curriculum. May I?

Wiedemann:

- Please do.

Tatjana:

- (reading in German).

Wiedemann:

- Do you remember the time of the school?

Tatjana:

 

- Yes, I do.

Wiedemann:

- Yes, I do. Thank you very much.

Tatiana:

- Well, about what you announced at the beginning of the program, frankly, I have nothing to say, I'm a single woman. My husband was killed, my son was killed - I'm single.

Wiedemann:

- I'm really sorry to hear that.

Tatiana:

- Good luck.

Wiedemann:

- Thank you, Tatiana.

Back to our topic. So men see very beautiful women and make big round eyes and enjoy it. They are surprised to see women in high stiletto heels walking over potholes and on the ice. You don't see that in their practical women. The detached Germans immediately fell and continue to fall into the trap of beauty and exoticism. It was not in vain that I advised their wives to follow their husbands to Russia by all means. Very few came, thus preserving their husbands and families. Work and home, children and school were their deterrents for German wives. And the fear of an unknown country. And we have another call. Good evening, Felix.

Felix:

- Good afternoon. I'm happy to welcome you to our program. Let me say. Oh, our beautiful Russian woman! She is German, and French, and Norwegian! But we men do not understand what a treasure you are for us, we are not trying to save you anything. Only kindness, a little happiness for you and you would be happy to hear all this from us. Take care of the women and everything will be fine!

Wiedemann :

- Your words in God's ear! Thank you. 

At the beginning of the 90s, I was working as the manager of a small German hotel in the south-west of Moscow, where Germans were staying who were about to enter the Russian market or who were just coming for reconnaissance. Some of them even opened an office with us. Our slogan was "You have come to a German oasis". Our hotel became a second home for them, we learned a lot about each other. I was often asked for advice and even help with love stories. There have been many cases when casual acquaintances of the nightclub "Night Flight", one of the most visited places by foreigners in the 90s, suddenly discovered a burning love for Germans. The girls came from the provinces or former republics to find their happiness in Moscow. And then a great opportunity presented itself: the long-awaited prince on a white horse! The struggle for a prince began. Often the young women won - the princes were blind and deaf - without realizing that the girls were just trying their luck. They were already in their fifties and thought they were all knights. And by the time they got the bill, it was too late...

 

But not everyone met in the nightclubs. These couples who met at work, and there are many of them, live together for many years. Having children and living in a good twang in two countries, and raising their children in a bilingual way, giving them the opportunity to grow up in two cultures at the same time. I keep in touch with them and I am very happy when I meet these couples after a few years and they are still together. But when they start living together in mixed marriages, sometimes it feels like there's sand in the gearbox. Russian women are sometimes unhappy that the Germans are a bit stingy, that they are not used to generous gifts like Russian horsemen. Germans are not in a hurry to give a fur coat or gold, but on the contrary, they encourage her to work - to make her work too, to make her useful and profitable. But this is equalized with time if there is true love. But there's a big difference in the approach to divorce if the relationship hasn't worked out. In Germany it is more clearly about material issues, and on the Russian side it is very, very emotional. And it is very difficult, especially for the children, because mothers "fine" the father and forbid him to see the children. And I think this approach is very specific. There's this sense of ownership, which is very prevalent here .

And now I'm going to tell you about a particular trick that some of my compatriots have used. Having a good, stable salary, they have created parallel worlds. They created a family in Russia, with a young woman, with a new child, leaving their family in Germany - and nobody knew anything about anybody. And we received a call.

- Good evening. I have a question about recent events in Germany, in Cologne. In general, I have great respect for the mentality of Germans and Europeans. I understand everything. But I cannot understand - why should very civilized and cultured people take this horde of dirty, uneducated and wildly aggressive people? Who are not even human beings, but monkeys. I don't understand what assimilation, what blood renewal we are talking about? I mean, to mix a German woman with this Arab to have a retarded black child? I still don't understand - to voluntarily, basically, put a bomb in your belly - to accept these Arabs. I've seen the videos - it's beyond all reason, what they were doing on the streets of Cologne?

Videmann : 

- Thank you for the call, I heard you... Dear listeners, that wasn't really our topic, so we're not going to expand on it in our show, but we'll continue to talk about these parallel worlds... Here it was mostly in the 90's... And I knew several families who lived happily in Russia, but women were not allowed to answer the phone when the evening rang, and in Germany women thought that everything was fine, he came home once a month and that was it. I don't know if it was right or wrong, but it was a way out for them, for some it ended in tears. When the women found out, they both left him. But some of them managed to put up with it for a long time. This is what we call the Swedish family, but from a very different perspective. If people already meet each other at an advanced age and they both have children, they are friends, they meet each other and they create such a family... well, that's a creative approach to an unusual situation, I think. And we have a call. Carl, good evening.

Karl:

- Carl: Good evening. I'm German too. But I was born in Uzbekistan... You started talking about Swedish families... What do you do with your children?

Wiedemann:

- Thank you for the call, Karl. Apparently people care a lot about what is happening in Germany and maybe they don't even understand it, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Our men are very fond of Russian women. Yes, they like Russian women in general, Oriental women, because they are a little, I can't say they are afraid of their own, German women, but maybe they are a little bored. Because after the sixties, when the emancipation movement started, they put men in their place in a very hard way and now they are already, one could say, most of them are not real men, unfortunately .

And we have a call. Good evening, Jamil.

Jamil:

- Hello. I was born in Afghanistan myself. I live in Russia. I am not 30 years old. But I didn't come here to look at beautiful women, but fate decided that I should stay here. Thank God, I now have a family and four beautiful children! Personally, I love Russia. This is my home. I love all the people who live in Russia...

Wiedemann :

- And your wife is Russian?

Jamil:

- She is Russian, yes. And in general she is Jewish, I would like to say that. And thank God we are happy - we have four children.

Wiedemann:

- Wonderful! There are no limits to love. For love, for nationality and for age, there are no boundaries.

Jamil:

- I agree, I agree!

Wiedemann:

- But you said that you didn't come here to admire women, but by distribution, and Germans come here to work too, yes. But the fact that there are Russian women around is another advantage.

Jamil:

- It's a plus, I agree. There is no doubt about it. But you see, not only can you fall in love, but now Russia is my home, I love Russia, I support Russia... I am for peace. And not only in Russia...

Wiedemann :

- Thank you! Yes, I come back to our conversation. German men think it is easier to deal with Russian women. Because maybe we are a bit tough and we make our demands, which they do not like, maybe not very much, yes. This is one of the reasons. The first reason is beauty . And we also get calls. Good evening, Victor.

Victor:

Good evening. My name is Viktor, I'm from Tashkent, I've been living in Moscow since 2011 already... I have a family, children...

Videmann :

- Is your wife Russian?

Viktor:

- Yes, my wife is Russian. I would like to join what Jamil just said. I would like to say one thing - unfortunately, when we had the war in Uzbekistan and other republics, they took all the Russian children, all the Russians, the last crumbs were shared. I don't respect people who don't respect nationalities or anything else. I am a person who respects everyone...

Wiedemann:

- Thank you for your call.

Back to the love of Germans for Russian women. I said that perhaps it is because of the rigid emancipation that has been carried out in Germany for many years. Now even for every profession there is a male and a female name and, God forbid, it is not called that. It is already offensive. And men are afraid to give their coat away, to open the door - for fear of being sued for harassment. This is not good. And we have a call from Alexander.

Alexander:

- Good evening. You have talked so much about the difference between Russian women and you European women. Do you think that men are different from European men in some way? Or as they say, all men are the same?

Wiedemann:

- No, they are not the same. I even have this theory. You could make a European and a Russian into one man - and then the perfect man would come out of it. Russian women eclipse you men. Wherever they talk about Russian women, they almost never talk about men. It is not fair. Because Russian men are good too, they stand up for themselves, they stand up for their families. Yes, I don't like that they sometimes make a living for themselves - here I am the breadwinner, and you are so much behind my back. It's a bit ridiculous for us, but it may have its place in some areas. And we have Sergei on the line.

Sergei:

- Hello. I was in Germany a long time ago, in the nineties. That's why I had a positive attitude in the beginning. And now our women... well, that is, their eyes are gone, their eyes have been opened. And our women will no longer spoil their gene pool of Russians and will no longer marry foreigners. Especially for Europeans. Because my opinion is that Europe is bad. Goodbye.

Wiedemann:

- Goodbye. This is also an interesting opinion. Everything has its place. We were written here that he loves the Germans, was there in 1983, in the GDR, a lifelong love. I met many of those who served with us, and when the Western troops were stationed with us, I was a close friend, I worked as an interpreter and I was in many military units, and there was a very warm relationship between us. The sad thing is that the young officers who go out and fall in love with German women is that it's impossible. We were officially on paper and great friends, but their love had to remain a secret. And if certain authorities found out, they were unfortunately sent home. And their love stopped there. And we received a call from Tatiana.

Tatiana:

- Good evening. I wanted to say that I myself had an experience when I worked for a Western company... and he had the idea of marrying a Russian girl. So he and I went to work together and very often we had the opportunity to talk. He said, "Where can I find a good woman? In clubs and restaurants, there are exactly the kind of girls you were talking about. And when I told him that if you want to find a decent girl, you probably have to go to exhibitions, theaters... and he was very curious about how we got to know each other, how we got married. There was a time in the 90's when we got married very young, and now the age has changed a little bit ...

Wiedemann :

- And this advice about meeting places - it's like in the movie "Moscow doesn't believe in tears".

Tatyana: 

- Yes, yes... But that's one thing. And the second - I would like to say about the German men. At one time my son went to a German school and he also knows the language very well, and he participated in a student exchange in Germany. And then a boy from the family where my son lived came to visit us. And when we received the questionnaire from the family where he has to go, we understood that the family is special, because the mother works in the church, and the father is a housewife and he has four children. My boy was a little nervous, but when he came back he was very impressed with his father. We happen to be divorced from my husband and it is how impressed he is with the family, the kindness, the care of his father, that he still remembers this family and especially his father with a lot of gratitude.

Wiedemann :

- Thank you very much. This is a very good role model. And now many young families are already moving towards this image. They take after the birth of the baby, well, there are 2-3 months when the mother has to be at home to recuperate, then she goes to work - often she earns more - and the father is at home to raise the baby and do the housework. I think the children are lucky because fathers are more relaxed, they don't chase away every crumb, they can play with the children and not think about doing laundry or anything else. They do it, but in a more organized way. And I'm very much in favour of having men in kindergarten and elementary school. Since the children are only in contact with a woman from the nursery school, the male side is completely absent. I don't think this is a good thing. Before, when a father would come to the children's doctor and there were ten women sitting there - and hee-hee, ha-ha, what is he doing here? - Here, these young fathers had to have the confidence to get through it. But that's not a problem right now. Again, these children are lucky to have a daddy with them. I mean, they also have their mom - she comes in at night and she's with them on the weekends, but it's something special with their dad. And I think that model is going to slowly develop here as well. Young families already have that, they have a slightly different approach to parenting and families, I like that very much.

Yes, Germans are happy to have a young and beautiful Russian woman, who reads all the wishes, does everything, and they think - I can take care of her, there will be no problems. But they have forgotten one important thing they say in Russia: "the husband is the head of the family, and the wife is the neck". They find this out later, but by then it is too late. But they still live happily together.

Well, once again about this emancipation... Earlier, there was a call and the son was surprised that his father was at home and the children were by his side; this means that he is not a breadwinner, but that he is still a man. And masculinity manifests itself in different ways, yes. There is such a variant, such an archaic, old model - the woman doesn't work, does the housework, takes care of the children's education, the man earns money, brings it home, puts it all out and she distributes it. But, in my opinion, this is the outgoing model. In the new Russia and in the new Germany, these roles came back, because in the Soviet era and in the GDR, wives all worked and there was a normal family life. And staying at home is absolutely not an option, a wife becomes unattractive to her husband after a while.

This was my first show on this radio station, I liked it very much and I thank all those who called and wrote to me . Next week at this time we will hear and maybe even have guests in the studio. I wish you all a good night and a good day tomorrow.